So off to the pet store I went! I picked up a very small tank and a trio of red platyfish. I'll have to post a picture sometime. They're pretty cool, and we decided to name them after Gravity Falls characters.
Cut to last night. We're on our way back from the Provo Temple when Sarah spots what looks like a fish tank on the side of the road. We go around the block and come back. Turns out it's giant (very heavy) fish tank with rocks, grass, a castle, and three fish, plus a metal stand, a pump, fish food, and cleaning supplies. The sign said free, so we struggled the tank into Sarah's car and drove home with three new friends. (Definitely a blessing from going to the temple, haha.)
We haven't cleaned it out or merged our fish or anything yet (that'll be tonight), but we now have six secret fish in our apartment. Here's to hoping we don't kill them.